in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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