My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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