Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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