im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you would pick up someone in the library
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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