Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
