he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
