Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
