O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
