I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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