Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
