he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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