Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
