Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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