Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
