Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
