It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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