Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
