I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
