I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
