I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize