You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize