our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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