went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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