rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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