I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
