i don't like sucking hair
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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