My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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