How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize