Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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