this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
