brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
