i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
