it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
