We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
