you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
