i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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