if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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