I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
