Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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