I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
