i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
