im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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