I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
