omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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