I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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