Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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