Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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