My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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