the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i think i just lost a toe
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
