im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
