Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
