Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
pop tarts are not kleenex
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
