Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
