i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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