Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
