Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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