So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
