Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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