Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
