dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i dont even know how to be here
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
