What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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