shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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