You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
