So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish there were birth control emojis
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
