I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
