haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
