Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
