Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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