Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
