You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
