So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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