So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
